Communication fails to work when:

a.         Two different people have a different reality, they associate reality with different meanings.  Problem arises when you make up your own meaning.  They assume and get upset.

b.         They may have different rules.

c.         You are stressed.

 

Solution:

Build a reality bridge

 

Steps 1

Have 2 Core beliefs:

 

1.         Never question another person’s intent, no judging:

 

a.         You can judge behaviour

b.         People are not their behaviour; people responds to attacks individually

 

2.         Remember in any human communication, the response you get from someone is really a loving response or a cry for help.

 

a.                   We don’t take things seriously, if we know that.

b.                  Respond in a loving way

 

 

Step 2

Successful Communication

 

Build a Bond

Decide who are the people who are truly loving towards you and you will never question their intent.

 

There is a need to build a bridge because people have different realities and perceptions. We have to get out of the stress stage and decide that you are not going to question their intent.

 

The reason why we communicate is because we want to feel good. Decide who they really are. Build that bond.

 

Do a reality check.

We create a meaning within ourselves about others that are not true or we are stress. Normally we can keep it within ourselves or we unload it on someone.  Decide what you really want and need in that situation.

 

 Ask yourself a set of questions:

 

1.      Am I willing to learn something valuable from this ?

a.       Am I willing to do something to make it better?

b.      Will making this person wrong make things better?

2.      What is the specific meaning I have linked to this?

3.      Could this be a misinterpretation on my part?

4.      Do I have all the information on what this really means?

You feel uncertain and need clarification

 

5.      What do I need in order to feel good now?

Ask a few questions to derive answers. 

a.       Do I need to change my perception abt this?

b.      Do I need to find out more info?

c.       Do I need to understand the person’s viewpoint?

d.      Does this person really care for me?

e.       Do I need a commitment from this person?

f.        Do I need to change the way things get things done?

g.       Do I need to apologise?

h.       Do I need to remember who this person really is and why I love this person?

 

6.      How can I communicate in ways that empower me?

a.       I need your help

b.      Tell her I misinterpreted something

c.       I need clarification

 

7.      What is great about this?